In which we are one, but not the same.

From “Raising McCain” to “Barracuda,” last night’s speech was an interesting one. Kind of like when you stop to watch a car accident. Or maybe like the blood trail of the dragged body in the return of The Shield on Tuesday night. Something borderline horrific and sad and fascinating.

McCain’s call for unity in the Repubican party, promise of bipartisanship compromise (give me a fucking break), and attempts to pick up on the “change” theme that’s wafting in and out of this election cycle kind of forces me at gunpoint to agree with Arianna Huffington on this, but John McCain is clearly running on the amnesia platform. It’s very “honor”-ful of you to thank Shrubya and his wife in the start of your speech, McCrazyballs, but it then seems odd to see you subtly attack the man you want to consider your predecessor, to call him out as a leader’s who output is something that needs to be change (which is so, so, so true) is a little shifty when you agreed with him 90% of the time.

I guess I should at least commend the man on attempting to take the high road. Or, at least making us think that’s the road he’s got his timeworn eyes on.

Also, I think that the chants of “USA! USA!” pretty much clinches that the GOP convention felt even more contrived and scripted than the Democrats’ and that’ was hard to do.

Also, the pitbull in lipstick? I’m going to take a day off from talking about her. All I will say is that before her speech on Wednesday night, I thought she was a bizarre and poorly thought about choice to balance out this ticket, and after her speech, I now actively dislike her. So, bear in mind, that bias is all over the place with me now. Her speech wasn’t so much selling herself to the nation as someone with qualifications and ideals and a passion for “change,” but rather a spunky and cute figurehead for how little the GOP thinks of women and the country at large. Also, the whole mission from God thing makes me wonder if she’s as batshit crazy as McCrazyballs himself. For now, I’m going to venture a… yes.

And oh, yes, the words “bullshit” and “gimmicky” do come to mind in a big way.

Not to mention that she makes Lynne Spears and Billy Ray Cyrus look like good parents now. But okay, seriously now, I’m done talking about her. For at least today.

Oh, and McCain’s mother is “96 years young?” How is it that her son, who looks like if you forced Frankenstein to live unhappily into senility, appears as if he could just fall over dead at any moment but she’s almost seen a whole century on this planet? WTF? I’m going to ponder what kind of souls she’s devouring to cling to life a little longer while also getting pissed off that Cindy McCain’s dress last night apparently cost $300k. Jesus. If that doesn’t scream out that we need a new first lady model, one that is not as ceremonious and about giving tours and sitting around looking pretty and more expensive than the commoners and more akin to Hillary or what you have to assume Michelle Obama would bring to the table, then… I just don’t know. The only thing that makes me smile about that is that apparently “cindy mccain plastic surgery” is a top search on yahoo.

Ha ha! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just be over here eating some cake…

Okay, that’s enough about politics for now. Let’s fast forward a bit and pretend the election is over. We have a winner, and the vote counting controversy (because it’s not a modern day national American election without just a little bit of fraud and some up all night counting and threats of serious legal action and bullshittery), and it’s time for a little old, fashioned healing. Sexual healing? No. Not if McCain wins. God, no. Even if he could find his viagra, I doubt he could find his way into his wife’s ancient pit of despair. (That’s right, I said it.) No, I’m talking about music. And who better to heal us, since they were basically the star of my previous post anyways, than U2?

Is it getting better? Or do you feel the same?

Will it make it easier on you now, you got someone to blame…

Did I disappoint you, or leave a bad taste in your mouth?

Too late, tonight, to drag the past out into the light…

Have you come here for foregiveness?  Have you come to raise the dead? Have you come here to play Jesus to the lepers in your head?

Did I ask too much? More than a lot? You gave me nothing, now that’s all I got…

You ask me to enter… And then you make me crawl.

We’ve got to carry each other here, people. Or something.

Music and memory: How the songs we heard growing up shape our lives.

Sex without a condom is the new engagement ring.

An endorsement to die for, or: Obama wins in Iran.

The joke that should’ve sunk McCain.

the visions of Orson and Waugh.

How Bank Of America rewards it’s employees.

Todd Diamond: FINANSENSE.


Oh, and the new 90210 sucks. The original was just a rip off of Degrassi, and… I’d rather have Degrassi on TV than this (with it’s stars stolen from Degrassi). For now, I’ll stick with Gossip Girl, thanks.

Would an antimatter apple float up?

John McCain: That’s not change we can believe in.

Men in the Congo struggle with sorcerors stealing their pensises. I get that a lot.