Romancing the Stone.

The other day I went to see that totally forgettable Total Recall remake and this was waiting for me out in the theater lobby afterward…

A historical “action drama” movie featuring cops and gangsters and Sean Penn and Josh Brolin and fucking Nick Nolte. Ugh. All pretty high on my list of least favorite things at the cinema, and yet… Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone? That’s chemistry goldmine right there. (As opposed to featuring Bryan Gosling, that loser.)

I’m not saying that the presence of those two together will get to go see this movie, but it will seriously make me wish that they were in a different movie together.

They were the best thing about Crazy Stupid Love, right?

Why can’t they do a movie where they fight vampires or something. Or a Shakespearean adaptation. Only… set in the future. But maybe it’s really the past? And taking place on a holodeck? And Mercutio is a robot! And a ghost. And a traitor! And it’s all really a dream. Of course.

Anyway. Anything other than gangsters next time, please?

It’s just sad because I want to say that Emma Stone clearly has more onscreen chemistry and just works better in a movie with Gosling than her actual boyfriend, offscreen and on (in Spider-Man), Andrew Garfield. But, you know, whatever.

Meanwhile… have you been checking out our podcast?

If not, you should be. Obviously. Check out the Time Travel Murder Mystery site, or find us in itunes. The last two episodes, “Bad Nudity Batman” and “The Jon Snow Show” were fun, I thought. And a new episode should be up in a few days.

Chaos reigns.

Antichrist, 2009, directed by Lars Von Trier, and starring Charlotte Gainsbourg and Willem Dafoe.

Here’s a few selected comments left on the page for the film’s trailer at  YouTube…

“I really want to see this, it looks interesting……….”

“I’m looking forward to see it :)”

“Pessimo gusto artistico..pessima interpretazione… mi aspettavo molto di piu’… troppo satico trama banale fatta la risposta a tutto cio’ è la semplicità e quindi…in fondo non c’è niente da capire oltre alla storia stessa che è riuscita a mala pena a spiegarsi attraverso quel povero e scarso linguaggio cinematografico… si vede il cinema danese come qualcosa di futuristico di innovativo…io vedo tutto cio’ solo come un obbiettivo non del tutto raggiunto.”

“Look’s crap” and “Look’s boring.”

“Um. Gross. Willem dafoe should never fornicate.”

“What is this movie about? Is the woman the anitchrist or the guy?”

“I think that antichrist is something being deep inside our nature that makes all of us to live in pain, grief, despair, fear, – to hate one another and to hate ourself…”

“LOL that’s deep. Agreed.”

“Theory: You’re an idiot.”

“Theory: your theory is correct.”

“Looks retarded. And are they doing it in the woods at the end?”

“I was fortunate enough to see this movie, it’s pretty good.”

“Yes, you people go watch your nice love films with the happy ending and then cry cause your life is pathetic… Art is not for everybody… Thanks, Satan!”

“Terrible movie. Why cant anyone produce a real movie with a real story? As for sex scenes in movies, that is so 1980’s. Nobody puts sex scenes in movies anymore, or even tits. Its retarted. If I want to see a sex scene ill just watch a porno.”

Editor’s note: You’d be amazed at how many typos or simple grammatical errors I’ve corrected so far, especially since I have too hard of a time just copying and pasting it that way. However, some of these things I will leave as the original comment’s author intended though. To do otherwise might prove to be, ahem, retarted.

“McAmerica is no longer a true Western Nation, since most of it is now produced in China. McAmerica, made in China. Now available at Walmart.”

“What a pithy and educated depiction, you must have escaped the pervasive westernizer gew gaw that transmits from the peak of the Washington monument and tranquilizes the sheepish populace into a Dorito-stained stupor. or at the very least, you’re certainly smarter having never been around it. in Mohamed’s name we praise peace, love, and understanding.”

Editor’s note: In the previous comment, that commenter was replying to another commenter whose screen name was a play on Mohamed, but I changed it.

“American movie goers are so dumb, all studios have to produce these days is REMAKES. ‘Duuuurgh dis a good movie. better dis time coz they dun took out most of da talkin and put in more cgi duuuurgh nukes.'”

“Hey man… hey… fuck you, okay!?”

“…in places like France, Spain, Italy the culture is to enjoy life. To spend forever at lunch, to sit in the sun discussing politics or history, to go to markets and street fairs. They go to Bistros, Cafes, Pubs. In America they go to Walmart. They go to Macdonald’s. They go to CVS to pick up medication to relieve the McBlockage their diet has produced in their colon.

Contemporary Americans don’t value life, or art, or culture. They value money. Contemporary American cinema reflects this.

It’s a sweeping generalization sure, but the fact remains American cinema has taking a creative nose dive over the past ten years.

Something you brits may not know, but Americans are utterly obsessed with making money. They value their bank accounts more than anything else. This is why America’s economy is so large, but quality of life is so utterly appalling. They work hard, then sit. They buy cheap, and dispose of it. Big is better. The word ‘quality’ doesn’t exist in American dictionaries.”

“I’m American and I have to agree with you 100%. This doesn’t mean I hate Americans or am an asshole but I fully believe that most Americans are slaves to the money and the wrong idea of enjoying life’s riches. Work, then sit and overeat and watch stupid reality television that glorifies violence and idiocy. Creativity and the love of the world is missing from most Americans nowadays so why would American cinema even try to make these creative artistic movies when they raise us on violent pure shit.”

“Wow… How pretentious of you to make such a wide generalization of American culture. Art is meant to make you feel something… Whether thats fear, love, disgust… All acceptable and sought for reactions. This film isn’t targeted towards mainstream audiences, so some people can’t connect with the style of film… Just the reality of the world we live in.”

“You’re calling ME pretentious? What about Hollywood? The primary source of American film culture? American film studios pump out movies so dumbed down that a mentally handicapped chimpanzee would be disappointed by lack of mental stimulation.

They’re well aware of how closed minded American movie goers are, and tailor films accordingly. Here’s what the average American says about ‘Art’.

‘Art’s fer fags n Euroqueers, freedom.'”

“Admittedly American films are often without intellectual content. But in my opinion European films head to the other direction, they try to hard to appear sophisticated that the storyline and character development of their movies suffer.”

“European films don’t have the same budgets, so they have to rely on (real or imaged) intellect. They very often seek to explore human nature, which from a cynical Europeans pov is a very disturbing subject.

Like you said, stories and character development are often lacking.

But we can say the same about Hollywood. Brits make some good films. Depressing as they are.”

“You are fully (aw)are I assume that Lars Von Trier isn’t British and that the entire cannon of British cinema is not ‘depressing?'”


“It’s surely a bit ridiculous to say America is incapable of making good or, perhaps more importantly, worthwhile films. Just as it is equally ridiculous to say that all European/British films are ‘depressing.'”

Editor’s note: We’ll leave it up to you whether or not you think that British films are depressing.

“this movie sucks big time!!! i saw this movie in the theathre, and in the end everybody looked at each other with a look “WTF?!” this movie is a waste of your time!! I could’ve done it so much better, but noooooooo lars von trier is soooooooooooo special….i hate that stupid c*nt for making me spend my money on that movie!!”

“Bet over half the people talking shit about this film have simply read up the synopsis on wikipedia and made a decision on that basis. I saw it last week and quite enjoyed it, sure its nothing spectacular, but worth a watch in my opinion, intro is awesome heartwrenching watching the little boy fall to his death.”

“Lars Von Trier is a garbage director but this movie looks interesting……. Yes, America is getting there asses handed to them in the horror genre nowadays but still have more great horror films then any country. As of right now, the best horror movies are coming out of Europe, especially France with Inside and Martyrs which is the ultimate feel bad movie and in my top 10. The Nightmare On Elm Street remake is another example of America kicking itself in the face. why fix something that isnt broke?”

“‘still have more great horror films then any country As of right now.’

Um… Japan? You know, the country where at least 50% of American horror movies are ripped from. The Ring, The Grudge, Pulse, Dark Water… etc.”

“I don’t know. When I think horror movies, I think Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Freddy Kruger, It, Pet Cemetary, Psycho, Evil Dead, The Shining, Leppricon, Friday The 13th, Night Of The Living Dead, Dawn Of The Dead, Amytivill Horror, The Exorcist, and The Omen.

Editor’s note: I do believe that he of course meant Pet Semetary, Leprechaun, and The Amityville Horror.

“Every single one of those films was made during or before the 1980s. Save ‘IT’, I think that was made in 91, still 18 years ago. Thanks for proving my point. American horror is truly a thing of the past.”

“Great movie. Choice labia snippage. LOL!”

“This film was disturbing but fantastic at the same time.”

“What The Fuck Is Wrong With This Movie.””Is that William Defoe talking?”

“Yep, it’s him.”

“Why don’t they just get the fuck out of the woods?”

“LMFAO, I could make a WAY better antichrist movie then this piece of shit.”

“Isnt that the green goblin? hahahaha.”

“kk There is a scene where she snips her clit off lol. And she also like if i remember hits his nuts with a board and then like jerks him off, and he cums blood. LOL.”

“Thumbs up if you found Willem Defoe’s pendulous ballsack hypnotic…”

“I didn’t get what this film was about. The acting was still great though.”

“I can see judging from the comments that this trailer has just created a majority of douchbags.”

“Stop fucking spamming the comments with your boring shit. JUST SHUTUP.

Anyway, can someone tell me what the underlying themes or messages this film is meant to have? I’ve been reading up alot about it lately and I’m not sure whether I want to pay to watch a lady cut her clitoris off if none of the film has any relevance or point…”

“What’s with the hands coming out beneath the tree? Can someone explain?”

“BORING” and also “Creepy.”


“It’s not porn until you touch yourself.”

“‘Nature is Satan’s church.” An interesting statement…”

“I wouldn’t agree with that. Nature is the most beautiful thing.”

“I know, i never said I agreed with it. In fact I disagree, but interesting.”

“The idea of ‘nature being the devil’s church’ is taken from the greek god Pan. He was a satyr, half man, half goat and lascivious, who had horns on his head (i.e. the image of the Christian devil). The trailer doesn’t explain much about the movie’s plot though.”

“What happens in the woods, stays in da woods.”


“hell yea i agree with u”

“Does this statement apply to you too, then?”

“No I’m not trying to act like a genius. Just someone who’s pissed off.”

“And now your one of them…plus you went and made it all caps to show just how pissed off you really are, but no one cares.”

“And I’m being told this by an idiot who doesn’t know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘your’e.'”

“Kickass movie.”

“It’s amazing the stories girls make up for a shag in the woods.”

“From the trailer, it looks like candy for aged degenerates. It could have a story but I’m sure that it is lost somewhere between the stressed visual effects and skin slapping. Yeah, just like any typical Hollywood plots.”

“This move scared the hell out of me, but it’s also one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I can see where some people wouldn’t like it, but it’s raw and it’s honest.”

“Poor Jesus…….. I bet his asking WTF i sthis shit?”

“A hyper-intellectual making horror movies for intellectuals – not quite the widest target audience. The only reason why people hate this movie is – they don’t understand it. I don’t get how this thing got into mainstream.”

“Lars Von Trier is not an intellectual. He’s Danish. Don’t let the foreign accent intimidate you, small fry.”

“I’m worried about the way it’s filmed. Looks documentary, and documentary related filming techic… IS NOT ENTERTAINING!”


“Does the movie have to do anything with the title? If yes let me know. Or else I don’t want to watch.”

“Does it not portray the metaphor for witch craft? And therefore the title refers to the woman?

There is a painfully obvious bible metaphor in the forest of ‘eden’ and her book is called gynocide, which is a term coined by Mary Daly to make reference to the abnormally high amount of women murdered in early modern Europe for being witches.

That’s my take on the film.”

“What the fuck this is a fucked up movie?”


“There can’t be an antichrist because there was no christ, nor a god.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“You’re the idiot if you believe all of that bullshit.”

“Liberal troll.”

“fuck u bitch.”

“i aint no bitch troll. whateva, i do wat i want!”

“No way in the world Jesus will arrive on August 14, 2014. You would know that if you are a true Christian.

‘No man will know the date or hour of the end times.’

-Revelation… I forgot what verse exactly… I will have to look it up.”

“…LOL. Define a true Christian. But you are right.”

“The only True possible antiChrist is the Christ himself…. just not his Good side. Instead of Mercy he will be Revenge to those who dont Know he is Mercy.”

“Yeah, could be, but it could also be that a book written by nomadic desert goat herders who thought the earth was flat… just isn’t true.”

“This film might as well be a violent porno.”

“I just finished watching this movie….and it is the most GRAPHIC, BIZARRE, CRINGE-WORTHY film I’ve ever seen in my life. There is so much sex in this film and it’s not the least bit pleasurable to watch. Be cautious when watching this movie…”

“It fucking made me gag when she smashed the guys balls with a wooden block and made him ejaculate blood.”

“Eat shit and die and include spoilers next time.”

“I find this Ironic considering Defoe played Jesus. (an Ax wielding Jesus.)”

“Where did you get the axe from?”

“I feel a bit of William Blake like art in the tree-copulation scene.”


“Nature may inspire ideas, but it is logic and reason that shape and critique our perceptions of nature. Having an idea is not the same as logic. Logic & reason are not measurable by natural means. Just because our minds exist in a physical body doesn’t make the things we think of physically real. Logic could exist without nature. But nature is constructed and depends on logical laws. It cannot exist without them, and therefore it cannot itself have created it. Logic must preexist nature.”

“Sorry, but you’re so wrong it’s funny. If one is constrained by logic, then one is surely not omnipotent. If god created all things, surely he created the laws of logic, and therefore he can bend those laws at will.

Of course being that you’re a mentally ill religious lunatic, you’ll just attempt to twist my ‘logic’ to fit your own deluded view of existence. Sometimes I pity you religious nuts…but most of the time I just laugh at you.”


“If God exists – he would either:

A. Tell us he exists – by appearing in person when we reach age of reason and tell us what the FUCK is up. Or in some other shape or form influence all of the humanity and inform us – BIBLE, QURAN and SHIT don’t count.

B. Make sure we never suspect shit and would deny our mind to understand such things as god.

There is no shit in middle of – Some believe and some don’t. Since it is not A or B, he simply does not exist.”

“Oh look ANOTHER religion fight on youtube. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?”

“I know, right. I was expecting comments about the movie.”

My favorite:


“God forgive your sins & open your eyes to the truth. =)”

“What ‘sins?’ Because we have ‘penises’ and ‘vaginas’ is thinking about sex ‘satanic?’ Because we think that there ‘is no such thing as good religion’ is satanic too ? What do you think; were you ‘created by god’ or ‘born from mother and father?'”

“Don’t you have any respect for a person’s beliefs?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Where can I download this online for free?”

Editor’s note: There are a lot of arguments on this comments thread trying to rehash a lot of the same logical exercises to either prove or disprove the existence of a God or a creator or whatever. The term “four sided triangle” gets thrown around a lot, it seems.

“I thought this movie was absolutely great until the gore porn started. It makes me feel like a lost a friend. It was THIS close to being a psychological horror masterpiece, and then BAM. Bleeding penis.”

“ha ha ha…. Stupid stuff. People having sex among dead bodies! Big deal…. Trying so hard to look evil. Evil is within each and every individual already…. Can’t go looking for it among scary stuff. Seen how it comes out when you start getting jealous of someone’s promotion? Or somethin like that…. There’s evil right there! Control your own…”

“It’s just a film, dude.”

And last but certainly not least:

“This movie is just a plain awesome peace of Art!

Lars did great on that one, the most epic art piece I have seen in many months!

Very twisted and nerf wrecking tho.”