In the men’s room of the cinema beforehand, for a pre-movie evacuation when two kids, probably around 10 or 11ish, and the bemused dad who accompanied them walk in and take up all the urinals directly around them.
Kid #1: OH MAN, that was so awesome. The way he killed The Fallen. RIGHT?!
Kid #2: YES! OMG YES!
Kid #1: Yes. But I wonder if he’s really dead.
Kid #2: The Fallen? Yeah, the way he killed him? Awesome. Totally dead.
Kid #1: Unless there’s a third one. Do you think there’ll be a third one?
Kid #2: OF COURSE there’ll be a third one. That was SO GOOD. Better than the first!
Kid #1: So you think he’s not dead then?
Kid #2: Who?
Bemused dad: I don’t think there’s enough explosives left in the world to make another one of those movies, guys.
The kids ignore him, go to wash their hands.
Bemused dad (continuing, presumably to me, since he started staring at me): That might be the cure to all the troubles of the world, right? Take all our explosives and destructive weapons and give them to Hollywood to fight computer alien robots, right?
I just shrug, then go over to wash my hands. I use soap, the kids at the sinks next to me, however, do not.
Kid #1: Man, I want to get high later.
Kid #2: Yeah, me too. You think this guy (gestures to me) could sell us drugs?
I leave in a hurry.
And then: I decide, Fuck it, I’ll get some popcorn, and I go and get in line. Me and this group of two girls are both angling for the same slot and get there at the exact time. I decide that, even though my movie starts in less than 3 minutes, I’ll be a nice guy and let them go first. I start to drift back when…
Girl: Fuck this guy. He needs to move.
I hear that and decide, Okay, chivalry’s out the door. I’m gonna get some popcorn. These girls can wait.
Girl: Hey ASSHOLE!
I hear that and just smile.
Girl: Don’t smile. I’m talking to you!
Me: Oh, I’m sorry, are you talking to me?
And I turn back to the dude behind the counter and order what I want.
Girl: You should’ve let me in front of you.
Me: And why is that?
Girl: Because I’m hotter than you!
Girl: I am! I’m hotter than you. You should’ve given up your spot in line for me.
The girl continues on but I decide to save everyone a little trouble and cut her off, then…
Me: Okay, listen up. You’re like 13. You’re not hotter than anyone. Fuck off.
The girl is shocked, but eventually goes and gets into another spot in the line to get popcorn/sodas/milk duds/whatever.
Guy behind the counter: Dude, she was hot.
Me: Dude, she was 13. Actually, you know what? I’m not even going to debate this with you. What do my popcorn and soda cost?
Guy behind the counter: 15 bucks.
So, after a time, I get into the theater and the movie starts. The movie, by the way is the new Harry Potter movie. Don’t judge me. I went with my mama, who loves them, and we’ve seen them all together. I don’t know anything about the books other than what I can ween off the wikipedia, but you could tell that much was sacrificed to continue the ongoing story in this film, which just feels daunting knowing that there’s at least two more films to go in this series.
Also, poor Emma Watson, who is usually one of the most delightful part of these movies, is barely in this one. And that red headed kid who got the swine flu? He looks like swine flu.
Earlier in the day, I had been in line to buy the tickets for the showing we were going to see and the line at the box office was long. In front of me was a couple that were on a first date.
Girl: So, when did you first realize you wanted to ask me out?
Guy: It was a synergy thing, actually.
Girl: What’s that mean?
Guy: Synergy is when two things-
Girl: No, I know what synergy is. What was the synergy thing?
Guy: Oh, oh, sorry. What I meant was, I knew we had to go out at the time I realized, “Hey, I haven’t seen the new Transformers movie yet,” you know?
Guy: The movie just looks so good, right? Just soooo good.
On the inside I’m thinking to myself, “Come on, man. Tell her that she looks good too!” Alas, he does not.
Girl: Yeah, sure. I barely remember the first one.
Guy: So where do you want to eat after this?
This is the question I pose to you, ladies and gentlemen: Do you really want to fuck somebody who actually really wants to go see Transformers 2? And because they think it looks good too?
Then again, you’ll notice that I’m careful not to ask if you’d want to fuck a guy who went to see the Harry Potter movie.