The legs, the nose, and Mrs. Robinson.

This is a Doctor Who post.

Because I am a nerd, a big, gushingly dorky fan of the show, and cause it’s been a while since I’ve done a proper post about the show, like I used to do last season. There hasn’t been a proper one since the finale last year, “The Big Bang,” and I kind of skipped over “The Christmas Carol,” which was amazing, and I skipped over the awesome charity mini episodes, “Space” and “Time,” now we’re a whole three fucking episodes into the new season!

I really wanted to say something about the two part opener to this season, the amazing and mystifying smack in the face that was “The Impossible Astronaut” and “The Day Of The Moon,” but I just couldn’t. It was too good, too strange, too wonderful and I am too much of a curious fanboy to have been eloquent or to have made sense of any kind. Well, beyond my normal lack of sense-making, you know. Whatever.

Whatever! So maybe I’ll talk about them here, because tonight’s episode, “The Curse Of The Black Spot,” which features pirates, was also a bit of a snoozer, not terrible, buttttttt it sure as fuck felt like filler. (Edited to add: You’ll hear me refer to “tonight’s episode” and then maybe “last night’s episode.” Sorry about that. I started writing this last night, then decided to take a break and cool off my nerd engines, which were running a bit too hot, so it’s kind of all over the place as far as tenses and time and place are concerned, which is fitting given the nature of this show, perhaps?)(Or just lazy, perhaps also) Unfortunately. But it did continue to tease a few of the big recurring things this season so let’s not talk just about tonight’s episode, but what we’ve gotten so far, yeah? And to keep a little formality and to hopefully keep me from wandering too far all over the map, we’ll do it like so…

23 Thoughts About the Current Season Of Doctor Who

1. What the fuck can you say about a show that kills off its main character in the first ten minutes of the season premiere?

I mean, seriously.

Now, obviously that’ll be undone, and undone spectacularly, one assumes, but even still… that’s a thrilling and heart breaking and pulse pounding sequence to put your audience and characters and storytelling through. And as strange as it is, it’s fucking brilliant.

2. Amy is not/pregnant with Schrodinger’s Fetus?

I love how every write up I’ve seen of “Day Of The Moon” in the past week has had to make some similar mention or joke like that. But seriously: How exciting and weird is that? Quantum pregnancy? Chronal fetal intense super weirdness. Could the baby have a Time Head?

3. And you’re like, “But, wait, she’s pregnant? Then why was she drinking wine at their little picnic by the lake?”

The answer is simpler than you might think, but it makes a kind of sense.

4. Right, and River Song is basically Amy’s (and Rory’s) baby, right? I mean, we’re all agreed on this, right?

Or that little girl is? Or… both?

5. And last season there was the psuedo-“love triangle” with Amy’s wavering affections for either the Doctor or Rory, which has seemingly been settled now by a wedding and a honeymoon, but they gave us a little tease of a slight resurgence in “Day Of The Moon,” and played it up for a good joke at the end of the episode. But I feel like there’s still something missing there. If I wanted to really reveal my nerdy side I’d tell that when it comes to The Doctor and Amy, well, quite frankly, I SHIP IT. Even though I know it’ll never happen. But it seems like there’s still something left there, something lingering.

And I suspect that that’ll be wrapped up this season by something dark happening. I don’t think Rory will die again, even though there was the tease at the end of tonight’s episode, but they’ve done it before and I don’t think they’ll go there again.

I also don’t buy that Amy could effectively save Rory’s life like she did, especially as poorly as she seemed to perform that CPR, nor do I not find it strange that the Doctor just sat by and watched. You mean there’s nothing in the TARDIS that could aid in resuscitation? Really? The Doctor is still called a doctor, right?

6. I’ll reiterate: Amy’s a hell of a lot better with a gun and a sword than she is with CPR.

from here.

7. The show seems very rejuvenated this year, coming off successfully selling us a new Doctor, new TARDIS, new companion(s) last season, and a well received Christmas special, and a trip to America!

Matt Smith certainly seems more reassured, and the characters all seem more relaxed, more settled into their roles. River Song is perfect and amazing and larger than life. Rory seems to have found his place in the TARDIS crew and fandom.

And is it possible that Karen Gillan seems even hotter this year than last?

7 1/2. Alex Kingston too. Fuck yeah.

And in case you’ve forgotten this amazing woman’s bonafides – and I’m not talking about ER here – this was the woman who wifed up Voldemort and then spat him back out…

I could not even begin to imagine an actress who could better embody or bring this amazing character to life. Brains, beauty, action, adventure, mystery, heartfelt longing, total naughtiness, and with a lot of added vivacious va va voom. When River Song says, “Let’s go on a wild adventure,” then my bags are packed. When she says “I absolutely trust this man,” then I would too, to the ends of time, the universe, and whatever else follows. And when her heart breaks, well… it leaves you crushed. Spinoff, please?

Cause not only would I watch the fuck out of that, but isn’t that the kind of thing that television certainly needs?

8. The land of the free, home of the brave. A planet called America!

I love that as the show came to America to film, what, 5 quick scenes total? But still, when it came to America, both in actuality and in storytelling, everything changed. It was all bigger, faster, wilder, and especially more violent.

People had guns and they used them!

9. And the ending of “Day Of The Moon,” with the Doctor basically tricking the Silence into ordering their own execution at the hands of the human race and absolving themselves by simply forgetting they’d done once they looked away… That’s fantastic, of course, and very clever, but kind of against the spirit of the show, right? But who cares! It’s America!

10. Also, The Silence?

11. Or the Silents?

12. Is the Silence or the Silents? “Silence will fall!” Or, “Silents will fall,” I wonder? Whatever. I just like that they sleep upside down, nested away like bats, they have crazy plans, and they all wear identical suits. You gotta respect an alien with a face like a giant garbled vagina who has decent fashion sense.

13. Ah, yes, but the Silence. I’m going with “The Silence” for now, by the way. Fuck off if you don’t like it. I didn’t find them scary in the full view of them, more so in the abstract, when you saw them more properly, out of the corner of your eye, or in the background of a scene. Or the bizarre stance the one Silence took as he killed/exploded that young female Star Trek enthusiast in the White House bathroom.

And I’m fascinated by them in just a… a long term sense, I guess. I love what Moffat’s doing with the show since he took over, telling a longer story, larger narrative arcs immersed in the shorter, episode nature of the new iteration of the show. He’s really writing this more like modern (good) comic book writers do runs on your favorite comic books. It’s fun now, it makes you tear your hair out with curiosity, keeps you on the edge of your seat with fear and interest, but will probably be ever more exciting when it’s all said and done and collected there in your hands.

14. And there is definitely something going on, something huge that hangs over everything we’ve seen so far since Moffat took over the show. The Silence, The Silence will fall, the exploding TARDIS, the cracks in time and space that originated from the date of Amy and Rory’s wedding. Now there’s the Doctor’s eventual death (in 200 years? Or might he have been exaggerating a bit there?) and what has to be a plan to change it with the four envelopes all TARDIS blue and Canton Everett Delaware III. Of course he’s got a plan, right? That’s obviously obvious (because otherwise we’d have no more show, obviously), and there’s something to do with that in the need to show off throughout history, to try and get Amy and Rory’s attention through history books and Laurel and Hardy films, right? And there’s the astronaut suit, and who’s in the suit as it actually kills the Doctor (is it River, or Amy Pond, cause it has to be one of those two, I’d think)(or the dark horse candidate, Rory!), and there’s a larger thing going on with the Silence, there’s…


I really felt like that little girl was young River Song up until that point and then I didn’t know what the fuck to think.

16. And of course there’s that woman…

That woman with the metal eye who only appears in nightmarish fantasy glimpses, first at the abandoned orphanage, then in the hold of the pirate ship, and only to Amy Pond.

From what i can gather, her name is Madame Kovorian, and she’s going to be a big deal this season. Especially to Amy. And Amy is going to be a big part of why “A Good Man Goes To War” before the big split in the middle of this season.

17. Unrelated, the image below…

…has now updated/warped my sexual fantasies. Expect a lot of unsexy euphemisms like “Walk that plank” from me now.¬† Also, was it me or did a bunch of pirates disappear in the middle of that episode?

18. Also, pirates are lame.

Unless they’re hot Scottish girls running around with a cutlass and swashbuckling my heart. Or whatever. Also, Amy Pond is so much cooler than a companion like… I don’t know… Rose? Yeah.

But pirates were also terrible, rotten creatures. Vermin of the high seas. Not romantic, sad loners who wandered the oceans. I feel like there’s some not great implications about giving a bunch of them a super duper futuristic and fancy starship to wander the universe with… but hey, that’s just me.

from here.

19. The TARDIS sure acted weird last night, right? It got all scared and was like, “A G-g-g-GHOST SHIP!?” and then dematerialized and then rematerialized on the phased out alien ship…

…but I wonder if this is a subtle nod to next week’s episode, the Neil Gaiman-written “The Doctor’s Wife,” which is supposed to be a ridiculous fangasm of a thing, and, as rumor has it, will feature the TARDIS in the form of an actual person, Suranne Jones’ Idris.

You think? Or no?

20. And Lily Cole as an evil siren killing men on the high seas?

Yeah, I’d buy that. Sure.

21. There’s so much to cover, and so much that I’m leaving out unfortunately. The little things, the big things, all of it.

I’m going to totally start using “Stupid face” as a term of endearment, although I kind of sort of already do. The return of the faux TARDIS control room from last year’s “The Lodger.” The Doctor and Richard Nixon! Nixon’s technically a companion now, right? Area 51! Neil Armstrong’s foot! Motherfucking landing on the Moon! The fact that the day was saved in the opening two parter utilizing television and violence, which is just perfect.

I love that people actually complain that the show is too dark or too complicated. I can’t help but feel that Hugh Bonneville from Downton Abbey was wasted in this pirate episode. RIP Sarah Jane Smith. It’s fascinating how Moffat loves tackling little mysteries and giving them Doctor Who-ish answers: All statues might actually be dormant Weeping Angels, or what you always heard of as Sirens in mythology were actually alien doctor programs¬† from out of phase crashed space ships, or that thing you keep thinking that you saw in the corner of your eye? Well, that was the Silence (or the Silents, whichever). (Clearly #21 is just becoming a catch all for everything else I didn’t fit into the other 22. Deal with it.) I have to say I’m not one of these old school fans who seem to adore the Doctor’s total lack of libido. I like that the show remains a kid’s show, and retains certain basic core values that goes with that while never pandering or talking slow or down to its hopefully very youthful audience, but… Ehh. If I was I writing the show I’d hardly have the Doctor bedding every new companion or alien he runs into it (he’s not Captain Jack after all), but I wouldn’t have him be flustered and flailing his arms at a kiss between a woman he’s clearly got have some kind of feeling for. The Doctor’s sexuality would find a good home as a thing that we never fully see or understand, but I feel like maybe it shouldn’t be something to be played for laughs either. Does that make sense? I mean, somewhere between 900 to 1100 years old, this guy has been around the block a few times, having married both Marilyn Monroe and ruining Good Queen Bess at some point. It’s funny to see sci fi TV’s favorite evil Brit, Mark Sheppard, on an actual British television show, and especially nice of them to cast his father as an older version of himself. You know we’ve got some good times ahead of us, but there’s going to be some darkness along the way…

Also: Space 1969!

22. I’m saving the most intense, for me, to almost the last: River Song. The first time she kisses the Doctor is the last. For him there’s a lot of first times to come, apparently, but for her it’s getting closer and closer to that day she dreads… the day when she “first” meets him and he has no idea who she is. That should be…

Well, that should be quite interesting, don’t you think?

23. Like I said, so much is being left out here, I know it, and you know it, but… ahhh. It’s the Silents’ fault (or the fault of the Silence, whatever), clearly.

Next week: The episode that was too big and too expensive to give you last year. Neil Gaiman! Twee squee. The disembodied voice of Michael Sheen. Also, the Ood and a TARDIS out of control and a crazy spaceship in a bubble universe and also whoever or whatever could possibly be called “The Doctor’s Wife.”

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