1. Dido “Mary’s In India”
Last night, about an hour or so before I fell asleep, I got a phone call. An old friend that I had talked to… well, it hasn’t been a long time since I talked to her, it had probably only been a week, and that was nice. So we talked for about an hour and eventually, the effects of the long day and long night started to take their toll on me and I was already laying down and I could feel the fatigue really setting in. My eyelids were getting heavy. I could feel myself slipping a little. This was at like 1 or 2 in the morning and though it was nice talking to her, having to work early today, I didn’t really want to fight this, you know?
The sad thing is that she and I were in the middle of a very, very, very important conversation, which was: The five “safe” celebrities that you, if you were in a relationship, could sleep with and it wouldn’t be counted as cheating and your girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other would have to be okay with. You know, like in that episode of Friends. And man oh man, maybe it’s cause I was tired, but I was having a really hard time coming up with five. I was struggling. It was pathetic. I would say things like “Natalie Portman,” which felt timely, but also a bit generic.
Also weird and coincidental was that earlier in the week Benjie Light and I had a conversation about various celebrities and their “eras and fuckability.” This is only the kind of conversation that two men can have, but I’ll let Commander Light finish that tale.
Anyways, so the conversation kept going, talking about other things here and there, filling in the holes of my trying to think up potential celebrities to hypothetically sleep with, and I started drifting off, a few seconds here, a few more there. Apparently I was mumbling things at one point. I didn’t realize what it was until my friend texted me this morning, telling me that she googled some of the things I was saying and they were apparently from this Dido song. How fucking weird is that?
But that got me thinking about female-centric pop music from the past ten to fifteen years and I started hitting up the easy peezy nostalgia machine: Youtube. Some videos listened to: “The One” by Tracy Bonham, “Wrong Impression” by Natalie Imbruglia, “No Man’s Woman” by Sinead O’Connor, “Simple Kind Of Life” by No Doubt, and “Open Your Eyes” by Tonic.
2. The Concretes “Say Something New”
The other night, approximately three nights ago, I ran into an ex. We had a lovely, not terribly long encounter. Did a little talking, maybe shared a few drinks, caught up just about as much as we needed to.
The next day, I ran into her again. “This is weird,” I said to her as I stood there in the harsh light of day after the previous night. “Isn’t it though?” she said with his bemused smile. I was in a rush, “no time to talk,” I said, “but it was nice running into you again so out of the blue,” and then I was gone.
The following day, ran into her again. “Isn’t this weird and exciting?” she asked with this pre-crazy look in her eyes.
“Uh, sure…” I said. Then I thought about it for a moment and amended that: “Actually, no, sorry. That’s weird. Haven’t seen you for a very, very, great long time and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I keep running into you. It’s weird and it’s bizarre. Plus, you know my well trodden paths and I don’t know yours at all. I couldn’t fake running into you even if I wanted to, but you… you could.”
She just smiled. It was a nice smile, a bit mysterious and intriguing. “Yes, I suppose you could say that,” was what she said.
Then I added: “You know, the mafia have a saying. They have a lot, I’m sure, but they’re all quotes from The Godfather, most likely. But they have another too. It’s this: Once is happenstance. Twice? That’s just coincidence. But three times? That’s enemy action.”
“That’s a mafia quote?” she asked.
“I have no idea,” I said. “It was in Goldfinger and it sounds like the kind of thing I’d like the mafia to say.”
“Ah,” she said.
Then she told me of certain ulterior motives, which are nice in theory but not so hot in fact following upon certain words and deeds from long, long ago. She asked certain questions, proclaimed certain things, and made vague suggestions about the future… A shared future that she was suggesting. Such professions can be flattering at times and, sometimes, such professions can be… repetitive.
And to her, and to all the internet and the ex’s out there who are far better off that way, I propose and dedicate the above song by the Concretes. To everyone else I dedicate the song below: