Things I learned today:

There’s a difference between “malfeasance” and “misfeasance.” Chick-fil-A has this spicy ranch dressing that accompanies their salads and wraps and it’s fucking delicious, even though I hate Chick-fil-A as a corporation. The motto for this year – the year we make contact – shall be: “Conscience off, dick on!” Ricky Gervais is joining Curb Your Enthusiasm for it’s next season. Tom Petty (and the Heartbreakers) has a new album coming out today, it’s called Mojo, and I’ll probably get it for my dad for Father’s Day. Bret Easton Ellis doesn’t like female directors, but likes Andrew McCarthy. Oh, and he loves Roger Avary too, which isn’t all that surprising, I guess. Some days I feel like the singularity can’t come soon enough and today feels like one of those days. I like the idea of having funerals for celebrities even though they’re not actually dead though we might wish that their careers were.

Some of these pictures are by Tauba Auerbach, and I found them here, and one of the photos below is from right here. David Markson died twelve days ago but I didn’t find it out until today when I read it on somebody’s blog. This picture makes me laugh and makes me want to email it to Peanut St. Cosmo, but instead I’m just hyperlinking to it. No one wants to have sex to this song. Nor this one. And if they do, that’s just fucking weird.

Things I re-learned today:

Dogs have become too reliant on humans. Fucking brain zaps, you know what I’m saying? Celebrity sex parties are always interesting, unless they’re not. I would like to meet a girl with a really tremendous laugh, I think. Lawyers accept sex as payment, which doesn’t seem like news, but apparently is news. The toilet was created by a man named Thomas Crapper. Actually, that’s not true, but he greatly popularized it, though his name may not be the origin of “crap,” sadly. I’m just over the moon about Alison Brie. And Tracy Clark-Flory, of course. Life constantly feels like a race that you can’t really ever win.

I don’t care what anyone says, the word “doppelgänger” is still really cool and maybe, just maybe, I should get some badass venetian blinds for my johari window? The male gaze of the internet can be so fucking weird. And when I say that, I’m really talking about all you clavicle lovers out there. This song could get you pregnant if you’re not careful. Don’t you just want to sell everything you own and roam the country in a lamborghini? That and I really want to go swimming in the ocean right now. If not today, then tomorrow. If not tomorrow, then when?


2 responses to “Today.

  1. do you hate chik-fil-a because they’re all christiany? and i have to say, i like that photo! did you want to email it to be as i’ve been tweeting about cocaine diets? and have you swam in the ocean yet??

  2. I do hate Chick-Fil-A because they’re all Christian-y. Well, no, I don’t. Well, yes, I do, because it floats so had into their business and customer service practices. Really, it’s because every time you say “thank you” to an employee at Chick-fil-A, they say “My pleasure” back to you. They’re required to. The first time you hear it, it’s quaint and old fashioned and you don’t mind. The second time you hear it, you realize they’re required to do it and you just deal with it. The third time and on, it fucking creeps you out.

    I’m glad you liked the photo. My pleasure!

    And aren’t you always talking about something to do with cocaine diets?

    And you’ll be happy to know that I have pooed in the oceans of forbidden desires.

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